I have been on the road for almost 3 weeks now. We began the road trip to my husband's hometown over memorial day weekend. That is where Lia was buried, but more on that later.
A week and a half into the trip I was completely drained. I found my Lia CD in the case and put it into the car stereo on the drive from rural Iowa to Kansas City. The Lia CD is a compilation I made back when things were "normal" - 2 weeks before Lia was due. It is full of beautiful, empowering, and visual music that I wanted to listen to in the days leading up to her birth. This CD now has become so much more than just a relaxing meditative pregnancy CD - the songs truly communicate so much about this season of life.
As I drove through another downpour on the way into KC - the song "Sunshine on my Shoulder" by John Denver was playing. Though I did not intend it when putting the CD together, several of the Lia songs refer to sunshine. How ironic I thought -Sunshine. Lia was stillborn on a rainy-icy cold November day. She was buried during an ice storm. And now, 6 months after her passing, our road trip back to hometowns, family, and her grave has been socked in with rain and severe weather.
Listening to the song and driving through the rain I was reminded that the sunshine which warms my soul and gives me hope is not of this world. And if I look to this world to be my source of strength and hope, I will have nothing but misery equal to 2 weeks of constant rain storms and dreary weather! I understand that my hope is in things to come - in a eternal place where there are no shadows for the light of the Lord is ever present. But in challenging times here, I lose sight of that light and focus only on the shadows. So I prayed as I drove on - Lord just let me see your light.
And as I prayed, a car passed me with a personalized license plate: SN SHNE.
Isn't the Lord a riot! Here I am in the modern comfort of my minivan, zipping along a drenched interstate and the way the Lord communicates his presence is through a passing vehicles plates! So if you are the driver of a Volvo crossover from Nebraska with the plates - SN SHNE - just know that the Lord used you to bring a little sunshine into my rainy day.
Lord thank You for reminding me once again that my hope and my joy cannot be found in the things of this world but only in You. God, the coolest thing to me today is that though my hope is in heaven I can receive it now. That simply leaves me speechless. Thank You for not leaving me to deal with this alone.