Two years ago I sat in a fast food restaurant in Kansas City with my two girls having lunch. Kaiden was 20 months old, Jordan just 2 months. A woman sat behind us, muttering something to herself, then she began talking at me. The woman was mentally ill, and was convinced that my tiny Jordan was her son. She began to cuss at me, demanding that I give back her child. She said I couldn't take him to California, she wasn't going to let me. She began to walk over to me when a manager came and escorted her from the restaurant. As she left the building she banged on the windows and said she wanted her child back.
I have often thought of that woman, wondering what did happen in her past to destroy her mind in that way. I wondered if she really did lose her son - was he taken from her, did he die? Now, having lost a child of my own, this woman is a very real picture to me of what could happen if I do not daily hand over my pain and sorrow to the Healer of my soul. This woman was trapped in her moment of loss. Perhaps I too am still somewhat trapped, like when I wake in the middle of the night and think I am still pregnant. I joke with my husband that I will be 98 years old in a nursing home and conviced I am going into labor! Some days I wonder when such feelings will fade, but in other ways, I hope to never lose them.