Thursday, August 7, 2008

.....and I still want to talk about her.

While watching the freight cars slowly pass by, one piece of graffiti caught my eye: It's been 9 months and I still want to talk about her.

The girls and I are in Alabama for a few weeks, living in a tiny one room apartment with Daddy while he attends training. It has been a good taste for me of life away from the familiar. 50 other families, and not one knew my story. They see my daughters and comment on their cuteness, some inquire if we are having more.

I don't want to wear Lia as a badge on my shoulder, but there is a part of me that feels very lost when no one knows. The first night here was the most challenging. Everything of Lia's, a blanket, a lock of hair, a hand print, are all back home. Coming here, while good for our family was like taking another step away from Lia.

Even though time has healed us greatly and I am no longer dealing with the moment by moment memories and thoughts, I still want to talk about her. So last night, on the way to the spouses' bible study, I quietly prayed for an opportunity to share at least a piece of my story.

The leader opened the study with this question - What does Grace mean to you?

Thank You Lord for once again meeting the most basic of my needs - the need to connect, truly connect with others. Thank You for opening a door to share a piece of Lia Grace's story and the story of Your Sustaining Grace poured out in our lives. I know it is silly, but I guess I needed to be reminded that You are Lord everywhere, even in Alabama.

4 comments:

Miley Johnson said...

Hi Anissa,

Hope this isn't weird, but your site touched me and I wanted to give you a "squeeze" and tell you I am praying for you.

go check out this blog if you haven't already discovered it. (Angie has a link on the left side of the blog if you want to start at the beginning of her story.)

I know you don't "know me", but I thought maybe it would bring you encouragement? It's been amazing to see God working in Angie's life even in the midst of such a horrible heartbreaking loss...God has a plan, even when all we see is the rain, ya know?

Anyway, I'll be thinking and praying for you and Mark. (we were good friends in high school, and I dated Brian..(yeah THAT Miley..lol)

Miley Johnson

Mom said...

I have been thinking about her alot lately too. Mainly because I have been asked to serve on a committee that is working to reduce infant mortality. It reminds me that even when you do everything right things can happen that we can't explain.

I see the pictures of my friend's grand daughter that was born a couple of weeks after Lia and I wonder what Lia would be doing now if she was still with us. I smile when I think of three little monkeys sitting on the bed.

I hope you know you can talk to me whenever you need to. I love you
Mom

Carolyn said...

Always know.........you can talk to me about her. We miss her at our house too. Lyndsay is ready to keep "her girls" again-when will you be home??

Carolyn

Megan Lawson said...

Hello old friend! First of all I am so sorry. My friend just recently went through a similar experience. She gave birth to her son and he died very shortly after. She took pictures with him to remember what a blessing he was. It still hurts her as I'm sure it always will, but like you she is so strong and such an amazing person. She let go with the faith that God has a plan. She also knows she was lucky to have him in her life even if for a moment. I wish I could hug you, show you the impact you made on my life.....and take maybe an ounce of pain away. I'm sorry