There are moments when I am suddenly smacked upside the head with a flashback or memory - moments when I do not want to dwell on the pain. I had one of those moments last night at 1am, while I slept restlessly waiting for my husband to come home from a late flight. In those moments when painful memories become an unwelcomed guest, or when grief simply becomes a bit too much to bear, I listen to a beautiful song from my pregnancy CD - Deep Enough to Dream, by Chris Rice. His words and melody carry me away, first to a quiet sunny porch, then to heaven itself.
Lazy summer afternoon
Screened in porch and nothin' to do
I just kicked off my tennis shoes
Slouchin' in a plastic chair
Rakin' my fingers through my hair
I close my eyes and I leave them there
And I yawn, and sigh, and slowly fade away
Deep enough to dream in brilliant colors
I have never seen
Deep enough to join a billion people
For a wedding feast
Deep enough to reach out and touch
The face of the One who made me
And oh, the love I feel, and oh the peace
Do I ever have to wake up
Awakened by a familiar sound
A clumsy fly is buzzin' around
He bumps the screen and he tumbles down
He gathers about his wits and pride
And tries again for the hundredth time
'Cause freedom calls from the other side
And I smile and nod, and slowly drift away
Deep enough to dream in brilliant colors
I have never seen
Deep enough to join a billion people
For a wedding feast
Deep enough to reach out and touch
The face of the One who made me
And oh, the love I feel, and oh the peace
Do I ever have to wake up
'Cause peace is pouring over my soul
See the lambs and the lions playin'
I join in and I drink the music
Holiness is the air I'm breathin'
My faithful heroes break the bread
And answer all of my questions
Not to mention what the streets are made of
My heart's held hostage by this love
And these brilliant colors I have never seen
I join a billion people for a wedding feast
And I reach out and touch the face of the One who made me
And oh, the love I feel, and oh the peace
Do I ever have to wake up
Do I ever have to wake up
Do I ever have to wake up
Do I really have to wake up now
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My mental image is of His hands cupped under my open hands, which lie relaxed and trusting with my children in them, because His hands are under us all. The release of my children into His care is the biggest trusting I've ever had to do. It's a picture I must bring to mind frequently. Even now that two of them are out of the house. I wonder if someday when God gives me grandchildren it will feel the same, or if the picture will change?
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