Today is Jordan's birthday. She is 2 years old, although, if you ask her, she says she is 4. At first, I wasn't in the mood to plan a party for her. While most of life feels "normal" I have a hard time getting in the mood for holidays and celebrations. Unfortunately, Jordan's birthday began to feel like more of a burden than a celebration.
That's the horrible irony of grief. Loss shows you how precious each day is, encouraging you to make the most of every moment. But it also takes from you the desire and energy to celebrate, leaving you to feel that any form of celebration is vanity.
As I thought about Jordan's birthday this year, my desire was not to find her the perfect gift and have the perfect party. Instead, my heart has been drawn to think about how to be a better mom for her. Gifts and party hats are so much less than she deserves. On this birthday, I want to give her the best of me. I want to give her joy and laughter and a passion for living every day of life that God gives us.
I guess it isn't that I don't want to celebrate, I just don't want my celebration of life to be confined to only special days on the calendar. I want to celebrate my children, and all the blessings I have been given, every day of life.
Lord, I pray Your blessing upon Jordan's life. Continue to raise her into a beautiful young woman who can love and serve You with all her heart. I thank You Lord for all my girls, Kaiden, Jordan, and Lia, and for the unique things You have taught me through each of them. Lord please help me to cherish each day, to seek You and Your will for each day, and to live at peace with You and with others.