Monday, April 7, 2008

Quieting My Spirit

Each day in our home, at 1pm, we enter into a time of great uncertainty - afternoon naps. Will Jordan peacefully fall asleep while holding her favorite book, or will she toss and turn and cry, fighting the sleep she desires. Will Kaiden snuggle up beside me for a gentle backrub or sit crosslegged on the floor and scream "NO". I love and I hate our afternoon quiet times. I love to watch my children sleeping peacefully, I love to see their shining faces after they wake, I love to sit by their beds reading, I love to rub backs and help them relax. What I don't love is the feeling of helplessness on the rough days - when I speak softly, encouraging them to close their eyes and not be afraid of sleep, but they just keep fighting.

I realized today that God and I have something in common - frustration with our children's need for quiet times. I am sure that just as it breaks my heart to see my children fighting sleep and rest, it must break God's heart when I fight the stillness so necessary for my soul. How often do I wrestle in my mind through the night with questions that will not have answers? How often do I toss and turn longing for sleep yet defeating it with my own anxiety? God sits there quietly beside me, whispering softly, urging me to be still.

I wish that I had a magic word that would instantly calm my children's fears and help them to rest. But my Heavenly Father, the God of the Universe, who called all of creation into being does not have a magic word to put me to sleep. So here the two of us sit, the Father beside me and I beside my children, being a still small voice inviting them to be at peace.

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