I am struggling. My family doesn't look the way I thought it would and I just am not sure what God wants us to do next. Do we have more kids? Do we have kids of our own or adopt? I feel like this question is being held in a dusty old box in the attic of my mind. Every time I crack it open, moths coming fluttering out in all directions. I look inside for the answer but find nothing. All I have is confusion, with divergent thoughts fluttering through my mind.
Oh, I think I know the answer, at least for today. I am sure my thought will be different tomorrow. And therein lies the problem. God does not change and His plan for our family does not change. But I sure am being tossed by the waves. I have felt moments of great confidence, certain of what God is saying. But within a day I am once again off the sturdy foundation of the rock and lost in the crashing waves of my emotions.
So much else in life right now feels in place. Things make sense. I can see God's hand clearly directing opportunities. But every night, in the quiet of our home, I constantly think.... So Now What.
Lord, I need wisdom. Perhaps I am not ready yet to know Your plans for our family, but whatever it is within me that is holding me in this sea of confusion, would You please reveal it and take care of it. I just can't seem to hear you over the constant roar of the waves. In moments of stillness I think I hear but as the next wave rolls in I am again swept away. Lord I want to hear what You have to say, but I need You to calm the storm within. Prepare my heart to hear and receive what You intend for us.