Saturday, January 12, 2008

Climb Every Mountain

I am at a low point today. Having completed my first week of "normal" life, I am emotionally and physically spent. I have spent the past 2 days in pajamas longing for mounds of carbohydrates laced with sugar. Mark kindly took the girls with him to a friend's house this evening to give me some time alone. Despite the additional rest I have had, my spirits are not lifted, instead, I find myself more desperate for something to lose myself in ~ but I am reaching the point where nothing satisfies. I wanted to absorb my mind in something - but books require too much thinking and we don't have a hundred channels of cable to surf. So I turned on my rabbit ears, hoping to lose myself in the Packer game.

Instead the Lord spoke. On the TV was a choir singing, Climb Every Mountain - a song which I have always loved but which has great significance after our vacation. My three year old, who has my ambitious spirit, loved our time in the mountains. "Can we go to the top of that mountain mommy?" Her request echoed from the backseat of our van every day of our time in Colorado. The vistas from the city were not enough for her. She wanted to conquer every mountain - she wanted to see the world from the top, not admire the mountains from the valley below. I thought about the song and how perhaps it should be her theme!

But God has been showing me instead that perhaps it is to be my theme. Since Lia's passing, I have been consumed with renewed ambitions - a desire to play piano, a desire to learn sign language, a desire to study His word intensely. Unfortunately, in the struggle of this last week, among children screaming over puzzle pieces and coveted christmas toys, I have lost my ambition. Rather than strapping on my boots for a hike up the mountain, I have succumbed to the comfort of the couch in the valley.

Yesterday, in my bible study (Stepping Up, Beth Moore) I read, "You and I have places to go. People to meet. Dragons to slay. Foes to defeat. If God had already taken us everywhere He intended, we'd be at His glorious feet by now. That you and I are still here drawing terrestrial breaths tells us that God still has appointments for us."

I am so thankful that God interrupted my pursuit of earthly empty fulfillment (tv) with words to remind me that He does have something for me. I am alive and must pursue life!

Climb every mountain, search high and low
Follow every by way, every path you know
Climb every mountain, ford every stream
Follow every rainbow, till you find your dream
A dream that will need, all the love you can give
Everyday of your life, for as long as you live
Climb every mountain, ford every stream
Follow every rainbow, till you find your dream

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