Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Roses on a Tuesday

During the week Lia was born, I could clearly feel God's continual presence. Each minute, each breath, felt guided by His hand. Every decision we made was made in confidence, knowing the the Lord was directing our steps. And in times when we would begin to move in another direction, we could immediately feel the absence and darkness closing in. Oh what a blessing in the midst of suffering to know His presence! How heartbreaking it was to find that as the suffering decreased, it seemed to me that His ever-presence began to fade.

I found myself this week suffering a new grief - the absence of my Lord. In the routine of daily life, where was the moment by moment promptings of His Spirit? Where was His comforting presence assuring me that I was moving in His steps? Where were the little miracles each day like signposts showing me His way?

Sometimes the Lord's presence in my time of need can be mistaken for roses on Valentine's Day. I love that He is there for me, I appreciate so much that I am being cared for, but admittedly I wonder if all this is only because of the uniqueness of the situation. When the suffering subsides, will the gifts of His presence subside too? When Valentine's day is over, will the roses and chocolates be no more?

I don't want to let go of His presence! I don't want it to fade away! I don't want to go through days that feel routine and void of tiny miracles and gifts of His hand! But does that mean that I must suffer continually the great griefs of this fallen world? This was my cry to Him, and today He answered - sending me roses on a Tuesday.

Today is an insignificant day. There is nothing amazing to accomplish, nothing horrific to endure, just an average Tuesday. I picked up my devotional book - Streams in the Desert - and began to read the entry. The leading verse was the first miracle - Psalm 46:5 - God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved; God will help her when the morning dawns. You see, I had committed this morning to memorize one verse today that would be a source of meditation and prayer to prepare me for tomorrow, and this verse is clearly the one for me! Tomorrow morning I begin a 5:30am workout program with some friends - yep, 5:30am!! Insanity! But God in His tenderness on a simple Tuesday sends me a little love note that says - Don't worry, remember I am in your midst and I will give you strength for the morning.

The devotional entry then focused in on Psalm 125:1 - Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. Here is the second gift - the big bunch of roses. Psalm 125 is the psalm we are studying today and tomorrow for bible study (Stepping Up, Beth Moore). Here I am on a common Tuesday - and the God of the universe uses a devotional book written 80 years ago to speak to me on this day! He didn't send this gift to me because I am enduring great hardship, He simply showed me His presence and that He is continuing to guide my steps - from working out in the morning to the bible study in the afternoon.

Lord, I thank You that Your love for us never fades - that You do not have to wait for a special day or a special need to pour out Your love, gifts, and presence. Thank You Lord that You are ever-present in our lives, that we do not need to wait for the stars to align or for the seasons to change, or for offerings to be made before we can know and experience You. You Lord are the great Bridegroom, wooing us with gifts every day of our lives - love notes from Your word, and bouquets of miracles from Your hand. Thank You Lord most of all that we can know You and Your love every day of our lives, not the just tough ones.


familinc said...

My beautiful friend, how my heart sings with joy and sorrow, reading snippets of your grief journey! The song is familiar and complex. The questions you ask are the same ones I, too, have brought pleading before the throne of grace. And His faithful tenderness is the same. He is a good Daddy, and I am honored to be your sister, my brave Anissa.

Anonymous said...

I can't continue reading your blog without commenting. I hope and pray that the Lord continues to give you words to write because they have been so encouraging to me and and my walk with the Lord. I really appreciate your honesty and transparency in your walk at this time in your life. I have learned so much and been so inspired to keep going and step it up in my walk!! Thank you again! I have been blessed! Love ya!
Kara Richardson