Friday, February 15, 2008

Hold Me Jesus - miracles #3

For Lia's Memorial service, I designed the programs. It was one of my first ways of finding words for my emotions. I felt great about the layout (I tend to be a perfectionist with design work) but I just couldn't figure out what to do with the front page. I stayed up for hours trying different design ideas, but nothing seemed right. So I left it in the capable hands of our church secretary. I did not see the design until the day of the service, but it was perfect. On the front cover was a watermark pencil sketch of Jesus holding an infant.

Lia was buried in Mark's hometown, and over Christmas we went to her grave for the first time. The funeral home in Nebraska placed a temporary marker at her grave. It included her name, date, our names and....the same sketch of Jesus holding an infant. The funeral home secretary said that it just seemed like the right picture to include. Seeing that same picture gave me an amazing sense of peace. Both here in Texas during the memorial, and there in Nebraska at the grave God was reminding me that she is safe with Him.

I have a "pregnancy and labor" compilation CD full of great music to help me relax. I listened to it daily in the week leading up to what I expected to be a normal birth and I listened to it numerous times after Lia was gone. Included on the CD is one of my Rich Mullins favorites: Hold Me Jesus. Thank You Lord that You held Lia while I held her in my womb. Thank You for carrying her home to be with You.

Hold Me Jesus, Rich Mullins:

Well, sometimes my life
just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus,
'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

So hold me Jesus,
'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace


Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

So hold me Jesus,
'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

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